January for Moms

Every year, once the holiday chaos is over and the kids go back to school, I start feeling that January pressure — wanting to plan out a “new and improved” version of myself. 

Eat more kale. Declutter the house (even the garage this time). Cut out Diet Coke. Workout daily. Read a book a month. Meal prep. Learn a new language. Meditate. You name it. 

Yet by February, that bunch of kale is a sad, wilted mess lurking in the back of the refrigerator. The house looks exactly the same — maybe even worse, with added clutter from holiday gifts. And Diet Coke? Some habits just aren’t meant to be broken. The only thing that seems to change is my growing mom guilt for not being the perfect mom or finding time to truly take care of ME.

New Year’s resolutions may seem like a harmless tradition, but for many moms like me, they become another source of unnecessary pressure. They’re a constant reminder of the moments I “could have done better” — like missing bedtime stories because I was too exhausted, or ordering takeout for the third time in a week.

The pressure we moms put on ourselves stacks up faster than the laundry, turning New Year’s from a time to celebrate into just another round of self-judgment. This year, instead of diving into an impossible checklist, I think it’s time to break the cycle.

The Flawed Reality of “New Year, New Me”

The traditional New Year's resolution model is fundamentally flawed, especially for moms whose to-do lists seem to stretch longer than the day itself. 

I mean, we’re managing households, raising kids, possibly working full-time or part-time (or both), maintaining relationships — we’re lucky if we even find the time to shower without a toddler barging.

I know there are days when I’m running on empty, barely able to catch my breath. And in those moments, how can I possibly care enough to keep a New Year’s resolution?

The problem isn't my lack of willpower. It's not that I’m not trying hard enough or that I’m somehow less dedicated than those Instagram moms with their perfectly curated posts. The real issue isn’t just my own unrealistic expectations — it’s the idealized, completely unrealistic goals that many of us, especially women, tend to place on ourselves during this moment of calendar transition.

We treat January 1st like some magical reset button, as if the challenges of the previous year will miraculously disappear at the stroke of midnight. Like all of the exhaustion, the mental load, the constant juggling will suddenly transform into boundless energy and crystal-clear focus.

New year, new me, right?

NOPE.

Why Resolutions Fail

The reality is, 90% of New Year’s resolutions will be abandoned within just a few months of the new year (Griffiths, 2016). Makes sense, right? Because most resolutions are:

• Vague and overwhelming ("get healthy")
• Completely disconnected from your actual daily life
• Designed more like punishments than positive changes
• Ignore the complex realities of motherhood

My life doesn't pause for a resolution. Kids still get sick. Work doesn’t slow down. Unexpected surprises — like a leaky roof or a last-minute deadline — pop up without warning. And suddenly, that ambitious plan to meditate for an hour daily or lose 20 pounds by summer feels like just another thing on my already full plate.

The problem? Many resolutions stem from a place of comparison or external pressure, rather than personal alignment. We often focus on what we think we should do, instead of asking ourselves what actually feels meaningful or achievable in that time and place. 

According to a Pew Research Center study, 79% of resolutions focus on health, followed by goals related to finances (61%), personal relationships (57%), hobbies or interests (55%), and career ambitions (49%). While these are worthwhile pursuits (don’t get me wrong), they often lack the flexibility to fit into real life — or the grace to account for life's inevitable curveballs.

Setting goals and celebrating small wins (like finally getting to that nail appointment or putting the kids to bed on time) is important, but resolutions don’t have to be monumental or overwhelming. In fact, maybe it’s time we put down the pen altogether and just set goals when the time is right.

Ditch the Resolutions, Celebrate the Everyday Wins 

Instead of setting up another opportunity for self-criticism each year, what if we reimagined this tradition? What if personal growth didn't have a deadline? What if change could happen whenever you're ready — not just when the calendar flips?

Life is full of natural starting points that are far more meaningful than January 1st:

• Moving to a new place
• Starting a new job
• Finishing school
• Recovering from a challenging experience
• Discovering a new passion

These moments are the true catalysts of personal growth, and they often don’t start from a new year mentality. They come with their own energy, their own motivation. Why force yourself into a one-size-fits-all resolution when life offers so many organic opportunities for change?

Change Doesn’t Happen Overnight

Progress is not a straight line. It's messy. It's complicated. Some days you’ll move forward with confidence, and other days, it might feel like you’re taking steps backward. And you know what? That’s totally fine.

From personal experience, I know that setting grand resolutions can often lead to burnout. True progress doesn’t come from all-or-nothing goals that look perfect on paper, but from small, sustainable changes that fit seamlessly into your life.

While it's tempting to get swept up in the excitement of a fresh start, real change doesn’t happen because of an arbitrary deadline. It’s about pausing and asking yourself deeper questions: What really matters to me right now? How can I be a little kinder to myself today?

Your resolutions should be gentle guides, not rigid rules to follow. Research supports this: people who approach their goals with self-compassion; who acknowledge their limitations rather than striving for perfection; are more likely to succeed in the long run (Neff, 2011).

As a busy mom, I find this principle of self-compassion essential. Between juggling work, caring for my kids, and squeezing in moments for myself, I have to recognize that I’m doing the best I can. When I let go of unrealistic expectations of perfection, it becomes much easier to focus on what truly matters: being present and prioritizing my well-being.

The Real Resolution

Your real resolution (if you even want to call it that) is simple: Be kinder to yourself. Instead of setting yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals, focus on small, actionable changes that make a meaningful difference — without leaving you discouraged halfway through the year.

Maybe it’s something as simple as meditating while your coffee brews or checking in with one friend each week (even if it’s just a quick text). Book that spa appointment, even if it means missing one soccer game. These tiny, mindful decisions can pave the way for happier moments throughout the year.

And remember, if things don’t go as planned — which they often won’t — that’s completely okay too. Some days, simply surviving is success. Perhaps surviving is even choosing not to write down New Year’s resolutions. After all, 62% of people who make resolutions feel pressured to do it, so why not let go of that added stress?

You’ve already got plenty to celebrate, with wins and fails that will come naturally. Moms, especially, you’re juggling so much with your tiny crew while handling everything else. There’s no need to add the burden of another year gone by without perfecting it all.

This New Year, I encourage you to put down the guilt and pick up some grace. Ditch those daunting New Year’s resolutions and focus on just surviving to the next day. And hey, if you happen to do more than survive, give yourself a gold star. You've earned it.